How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
