First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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