she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
