he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
