i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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