I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
