so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
