Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
