I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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