I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
