i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
