i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
