In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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