I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
