Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
