That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
