I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tell your sister to shave her snatch
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
