What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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