Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
