i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
