are you still at the devil's house?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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