i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
