I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
