i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
