So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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