Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
