I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
