Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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