when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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