I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Everclear isn't food dammit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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