Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
