now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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