I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
