Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
