I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
