the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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