I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
