She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
