i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
only if we run a train.
done.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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