do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
