i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
