I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
