More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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