fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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