the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
