Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
