I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
