yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
