I am in a vortex of obligation.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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