mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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