Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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