the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
