my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
